A Beautiful Mosaic

I have realized that I have used this blog recently as my own therapy, my outlet and solace.  And I have not made sure to share enough about the treasures of life here in Monticello. Like "my girl," as my supervisor called her after I shared my growing attachment to her.  I definitely should have told you about "my girl."  We've only been journeying together a few months now but what a journey it has been!  It was only recently when I sat down and processed where we started with her and where she is today.  It's the kind of story you want to repeat itself and you want to remind yourself of amidst everything else.  We aren't in a perfect place today and sometimes we are not even in a great place, but I am so amazed what some stability, the Truth, and some nurturing love can do for a soul.  She came to us very hardened and grown about ten years beyond her own age.  I remember being slightly intimidated by her refusal to smile...today, she has moved from

The holidays are in full swing at Barton, though we have rain showers instead of snow.  We attended the Christmas parade together this last week, as well as trimmed the tree and decorated the home.  It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas and we have a PACKED schedule until it is!  The girls have Christmas craft nights, Christmas parties, Christmas Talent Show, service projects, and the list goes on.  It has already been a ton of fun to enjoy all of the excitement with them, but it is bittersweet as the holidays are also the most difficult times for most of our youth as it only serves as a reminder of the home and family they miss each day.  We try to make it as homey and uplifting as possible, but you can still see it in their eyes or hear it in their voices sometimes.  We are working Christmas this year, which we are excited about sharing with the girls.  We will even get to take them on a shopping trip for gifts for one another (their gifts have been covered by generous dona

Written Several Weeks Ago: It was in the same doctor's appointment addressing her reoccurance of lice that, for an entirely different presenting problem, she was prescribed the medication to be administered through the rectum.  I looked at the lady and did my best to nod my head, say okay, and offer a feeble smile upon the further news.  I sat there and let the information sink in.  Those nasty little creepy crawly head-spiders were back in FULL FORCE and we would be on our way home soon to deal with that and for an entirely different reason, it would be necessary for me to purchase another package of latex gloves so that I could administer pills twice daily to her other end.  I began to ask myself questions and yearn for the opportunity to dissociate myself from reality as I knew it.  Why should I have to do that to her?  I didn't bring her into this world and didn't mess her up once she got here so - HOW - I began to ask myself - did I get myself into this situation?  I

[ Preface : I do not share this for the reasons that may seem obvious and predictable - some self-seeking need to be loved in return or find significance in the past.  I wrote this as simply an outlet on my iPhone while I rode in the car as the melody to a particular song pricked my heart.  But then I decided I wanted to share it.  Simply because it is truth and we very rarely choose to just share the darn honest truth with one another.  We don't always feel it necessary to let one another know how we feel. However, I know many of you read this blog to hear about our new life and what God has done and is doing.  I feel it would be a disservice to share all of the wonderment without the reality of the difficulty that often accompanies a calling and the hardship in leaving your homeland simply in faith.  Not that it is not so completely the right thing to do exactly whatever it is God calls you to, but as your journey on the road marked out for you, please never hear from Betsy that

My 25 THANKS-givings in 2011 : 1.  I am thankful for the opportunity to serve the Lord in a way that challenges me in an area of my passion. 2.  I am thankful that life was not supposed to turn out the way I had planned it. 3.  I am thankful for a husband who knows me AND...loves me unconditionally, challenges me graciously, leads me humbly, and holds my hand through everything. 4.  I am thankful for parents who love and support me no matter what. 5.  I am thankful for siblings are truly are 3 of my closest friends in the whole world. 6.  I am thankful to have a job, to have shelter, to have food and a surplus of clothing when many struggle with at least one of these basic needs. 7.  I am thankful for the freedom to worship and believe as I do. 8.  I am thankful for the blessings God pours into my life without my even asking. 9.  I am thankful for friendship that transcends time and space...those kindred spirits you know you will always share. 10.  I am thankful for each one

My faith has been grounded since childhood in the knowledge that when it feels my world is crumbling around me, God will pick me up.  This simple truth was, perhaps, the first pillar of faith constructed in my faith journey.  As my family moved away from our relatives and then our friends, there were moments even a 10-year-old felt like the world was crumbling around her.  Yet, God's faithfulness always prevailed, and not in a "I know God is still good" kind of way.  God always showed Himself clearly and inexplicably to me when I was ready to look and see Him on the other side of the crumbling mess.  As a hurting and depressed middle schooler, there were moments I was sure the world had already caved in.  Yet, God never left my side, and He proved His presence in remarkable ways.  I am so thankful. Today, as I find myself in a lifestyle and structure that lives amidst the rubble of the crumbling and caving in of many lives, I am daily in need of His strong hand picking

Life has been full, exciting, and a little exhausting lately, and we have much to be thankful for. What our last few weeks have looked like: Our house has been almost full (6-7 girls) and brimming with energy among other things.  Because our monthly weekend shift fell right before Halloween, we had a fun-filled weekend of festivities with the girls!  Pounds of sugar, chocolate, and hot apple cider were consumed, one scary throwback movie was watched, and 9 plump, round pumpkins were carved or painted to their owner's liking in the Barton Home!  We also attended our church's "Judgment House" the night before which the girls really enjoyed.  The night of Halloween, we let the girls paint masks and go to the other houses on campus for some trick or treating.  That morning, as a staff, we shared a fall potluck breakfast in costume, and Michael went as the Jim Halpert 3-Hole Punch (The Office) and Betsy went as facebook (plain and simple: paint the word book in blue bloc

It has been incredibly humbling, this task of constantly loving unconditonally.  It seems that what I continually discover is that I am not very good at loving.  Afterall, love begins when you set yourself aside and that, my friends, is a difficult task that does not come naturally to this human shell.  Thankfully, God is the definition of love, and He offers me His presence, power, and strength daily. I am deeply challenged and inspired by His Words of love.* Real love would have jumped into the task of removing the immense amount of lice from one of our girl's poor, unfortunate heads this week.  Instead, I went through the process with about 6 changes of latex gloves, a lot of oozey noises, and doing my best to keep as much distance as I treated the hair as possible.  Real love would have done its best to make the youth whose head is literally crawling with bugs comfortable and at as much peace as possible through the horrendeous process.  Instead, I was doing the best I could

I put my finger on the fact this week that we have jumped into a lifestyle of constant change.  When we first moved here and started working, everything was new and different, so I did not realize it.  But once I had settled, re-settled, and settled again (with each addition or subtraction to the household), I realized the new pace of life we are now living.  I am not used to so much change, even though it is still such a small percentage of what most of our girls have gone through.  Don't get me wrong.  I am the person who attended 10 schools in 12 years of primary and secondary education; I have lived in several different states.  I changed my major in college about 4 times.  Many things in my life are in a constant state of change; however, I have never had the most intimate part of my life - my home, my "family" - be shifted so constantly.  It can take a toll on your heart if you are not careful.  But it can also serve as a reminder to me of the kind of transition eac

A ll of our on-campus school girls (3) will be at home with us this week as they have a scheduled week off of school.  B oredom is what we will try to avoid as it will be like Summer or Spring Break minus all the fun activities and programming . C hurch is at the forefront of our prayers as we have still not come to peace with a decision about a church family nor have we made significant connections at a church. D arling is the simplest word for our latest young one (6-years-old) who was only with us for 2 weeks but was a simple blessing of innocence, faith, and joy. E very day this last week I helped our senior with her HOMECOMING WEEK outfit: Day 1-Minnie Mouse, Day 2-Duct Tape Dress, Boots, & Tiara, Day 3-50's Style, Day 4-Blue&White! hair...pants...face..., Day 5-Dressy, Dressy & Dance! F aith is what I needed every minute of every single day. G irl drama is what we dealt with in huge proportions this week with one of our short-term girls, leading to huge acti

" Oh Christ, be the center of our lives Be the place we fix our eyes Be the center of our lives ." The word CENTER has echoed in my heart and in my head this week through many different situations and circumstances.  It has been my cry.  Oh God, please, be the CENTER.  Because when God is the center, my fear and anxiety...my failures...my insufficiencies...my insecurities...my uncertainties are superlative details that no longer hold weight.  When I gaze at the CENTER, the reason, the rhyme, everything that seems to be broken finds its place.  When I remove myself and place the Lord where He belongs - in the CENTER of it all, I regain my hope.  I find my purpose.  Thank goodness I was not created to be the star of this show, because this show would have been cancelled long ago.  The Vine is the center.  The Heart is the center.  The Son is the center.  My God is the CENTER.  Thank God in Heaven that He is the CENTER of everything and can touch anything with His remarkable

This last week was our monthly "Super" Shift which just consists of a regular week-long shift matched with a weekend shift that is normally worked by our Alternate Family Teacher.  Since Michael's birthday is today, we decided to celebrate it and the end of our super shift this weekend by escaping to Monroe, LA.  We ate good seafood, lounged around, went shopping, and did some exploring (and of course, picked up a few things for the girls and house that you can only get in a town larger than Monticello).  Here are some HIGHlights and LOWlights from our Super Shift as well as some PRAYERpleas(e) for this upcoming week! Some Highlights : -It was fair week in Monticello this week!  Vera Lloyd entered the Fair Parade for the first time ever with a wonderful float, which Michael actually volunteered a lot of his time this week putting together and working on with the other male family teachers on campus. I put a picture of the float minus all the kiddos on my Facebook page

It was late, and I was in the middle of my preparing for bed routine and jabbering away as is common at those times.  This particular night, I was excited because I was really encouraged in my relationship with one of the girls.  I remember saying, "I feel like I am finally getting somewhere, like we are really building trust, I am really excited!"  I was excited.  I can't even remember all that had gone on that day, but I know I had felt like breakthroughs had happened and I'd moved one step further to building the kind of trust with our oldest girl that is needed to make any valuable progress.  Michael told me later he'd been looking for some wood the whole time to knock on as I spoke.  Because pride cometh before a fall.  Because though there is nothing wrong with getting excited about good things and staying positive in all of our relationships, somehow my focus had turned to "me" and "her" instead of what God was doing despite me.  Any

Update : Our BIG news is we have a contract on our house in Salina and God willing, as of October 7, it will be a closed-deal: SOLD !  We thank the Lord that despite the economy and housing market in Salina, He chose to bless us in this way.  It will be a relief for us not to worry about maintenance and upkeep, as well as put that burden on all the people who have been so helpful since we've been gone, especially our families - THANK YOU!  The picture below is us this weekend at a celebratory dinner at a local place called "The River." In other news, we did welcome a new 12-year-old this week to Barton!  Please pray she adjusts well and feels at home quickly.  We went to our first Monticello Billies (short for Billy Goat, although 20 years ago it was short for Hillbillies) Football Game Friday night where our oldest girl is the team mascot.  It was a lot of fun and exciting to watch her be involved in such a positve way with her peers.  Three cheers for the Billies and

I suppose we all look for comfort and familiarity...even outside our comfort zone or the Land of the Familiar.  No matter how many times we "pop" our comfort zone bubble, it will only be a matter of time before it needs to be popped once again. Michael and I still refer to ourselves as the new houseparents at Barton; we still say (and feel) very new to Arkansas.  In the grand scheme of things, this is not yet the Land of the Familiar for us and I didn't even think I had a comfort zone here yet.  Until I realized that I do.  Even amidst the ongoing transition and the fact that we are still newbies, I realized just today that I have already created a comfort zone.  Just recently, our house was stripped down of half of our long-term girls and all of our short-term placements (by no related events, just coincidental timing).  This involved sad good-byes and a tiny bit of stress as we transitioned those girls out and begin to wonder who we would be welcoming in.  It was whe

These words describe well the last week of our lives at Barton!  The Barton Home : We began our week last week with 5 girls and will be down to 2 on Tuesday if we do not have any intakes by then.  Our long-term 12-year-old was able to leave the system to live with a family member in another state this week.  As happy as we were for her, her absence has created a huge void in the home.  This was definitely my most difficult good-bye so far (she was our fifth).  She had been with us since our first day (actually, she had been here a total of 6 months) and I didn't realize how attached I had let myself grow to the girls I knew were long term compared to the girls I knew would most likely be leaving in a month or two...until one left.  Though she was rarely the easiest resident we had, she brought a ton of life and energy and joy into the home, and everyone misses her.  What a sweet blessing, though, that she has been able to call us already a few times just to say "hi!" 

A quick synopsis on life: -The school year is well under way, and we are enjoying the change in routine.  It's been encouraging to see that most of the girls enjoy going to school and work hard to do well.  We are able to maintain a bit more sanity ourselves now that we have time carved into our day to accomplish the "job-like" tasks of houseparenting (paperwork, phone calls, faxes, appointments, meetings, menu planning) before we give ourselves completely to the girls upon their arrival at 3:30pm.  -We were excited to welcome a new youth to Barton this week!  She is nine years old and a bundle of joy.  We shed tears of joy (okay, I did) as we were able to watch her reunite with her sister who lives next door on campus.  They had not seen each other for over a year.  -Although daily life is a rollercoaster, we are encouraged that in some ways, we are moving forward with the girls and continuing to build trust and the kind of relationships that will foster faith and hop

Heal my limbs, and joyfully, I'll run to you. This line from a beautiful song by David Crowder* Band (imagine that) helped me formulate some of the thoughts I haven't been able to put into words about the kind of work I am doing now and the helping profession in general. This lyric is the prayer I hear bleeding from the hearts of so many of the girls we work with here.  Most of our girls know about God and His love and even enjoy attending church on Sundays.  Most of them are open to spiritual topics depending on the current circumstances and their mood.  However, I would not be able to describe any of our girls right now as joyfully running into the arms of Jesus, which is the image I recieve from this lyric: joyfully, I run to you .  Hmm.   Heal my limbs .  Is the healing of our heart's "limbs" a precursor to the joy of being in the arms of God?  Perhaps.  Sure, God is big enough to enstill joy in any heart at any time, but I think more often than not this

I've started this post a few times now, and I am either not ready to write it or I really just do not know what to say.  It has been awhile since I blogged, as Michael and I worked our first "super shift" last week, which is a weekend shift (Thursday night - Sunday night) combined with our normal weekly shift (Sunday night - Friday afternoon).  This week was definitely our most difficult week of ministry here, by which I do not mean to be negative, only honest.  Several extreme behaviors in our girls were triggered this week with the onset of the school year and the change and anxiety that comes with that.  We started our shift on the weekend, and I think we questioned on Sunday how we would ever make it to Friday after the weekend we had had.  I think despite the despair in that statement, that was a very good place for us to come to; though, it is still a place we are coming out of despite our weekend off we just had.  But today, rather than the details of the difficult

We're working our first weekend with the girls this weekend (which is why we've had a few week days off this week) and will be getting them ready for school on Monday!  It should be an exciting week with a totally new schedule for all of us!  Here are some of the prayers on our hearts this week: -Please pray for one of our older gilrs, the one I mentioned last time, who has been really depressed.  She's starting to really face the issues in her life, but in the process has become very demanding and difficult.  Pray that our hearts can remain soft toward her and be filled with the love she needs. -Please pray for our 17-year-old who turns 18 this month and at this point is opting to stay in care to finish high school and go to college.  It will be such an exciting year; however, our prayer is that she can remain focused and strong once her birthday comes and the temptation to puruse things from her past and embrace supposed freedom will grow ever stronger.  -Please pray

"When are you leaving?" The question shocked us.  Michael and I were in the office with a few of the girls just hanging out and shooting the breeze.  And out of no where.  Our 7th grader asked, "When are you leaving?" We were a few hours away from going off duty, so we answered with the hour we would be heading to our apartment for some much-needed R&R.  "No, when are you leaving Barton (Vera Lloyd)?" she asked. We looked at each other.  "We're not leaving anytime soon; we plan to be here a long time!" "What?  I thought everyone was only here for a limited amount of time." [She's been here since April and through the transition of us coming has met 5 different staff in the Barton home, as well as several "Barton sisters."  She also is in care due to abandonment and neglect.] "Nope.  We can stay as long as we want!  We just moved across the country, so I don't think we'll want to do

I need to get out of the way.  When her heart's breaking.  And she wants to hide from what she did.  And what she said.  And how she lied.  When she's overwhelmed and its all too heavy.  And she just can't bear one more ounce.  When life's too hard.  And things aren't changing.  I need to get my feelings out of the way.  And I need to enter.  And wipe her heart's tears.  And let her know its safe and not to hide.  I need to let her know she's forgiven.  I need to ease her burden with my care.  I need to share the Truth and hope and promise. Without letting my feelings steal the show. Because its all too easy to let it hurt your feelings.  Or get angry for the wrong things they have done.  It's way too simple to let it change your mood swings.  And build and build and build until its gone.  The natural way...the one that's easy...just stands right in the way and says - move on!  It says my need to feel loved and lifted up comes before your need for