I suppose we all look for comfort and familiarity...even outside our comfort zone or the Land of the Familiar. No matter how many times we "pop" our comfort zone bubble, it will only be a matter of time before it needs to be popped once again.
Michael and I still refer to ourselves as the new houseparents at Barton; we still say (and feel) very new to Arkansas. In the grand scheme of things, this is not yet the Land of the Familiar for us and I didn't even think I had a comfort zone here yet. Until I realized that I do. Even amidst the ongoing transition and the fact that we are still newbies, I realized just today that I have already created a comfort zone. Just recently, our house was stripped down of half of our long-term girls and all of our short-term placements (by no related events, just coincidental timing). This involved sad good-byes and a tiny bit of stress as we transitioned those girls out and begin to wonder who we would be welcoming in. It was when we welcomed a new one in that I realized I wanted to cling to a comfort zone I didn't know existed. You see, even though, the long term girls we have remaining still present plenty for us to work through, address, and love on everyday, I am now familiar with them and feel comfortable working with them - despite the fact that the unexpected is still bound to happen quite regularly. Well, our new arrival. In addition to her suitcase and backpack, she carried back in all the unfamiliarity, awkwardness, and other elements that when thrown together can cause me anxiety if I am not careful. And I found myself this morning before church excited to go back on shift tonight with the girls...until my heart started beating fast. Because I realized I wasn't going back to the Land of the Familiar tonight. The Land had changed. With each arrival, it changes. I knew that, too. But what I did not know was how accustomed I had become in such a short time to the "way things are," which if I am not careful will reduce my openness to the "way things could be." Each new arrival comes with new opportunity, new challenges, new transitions, and yes, sometimes a few steps backwards before a few steps forward. To seize these opportunities, to properly face these challenges, to thrive amidst these transitions, and to gain a few steps forward...I must be ready to pick up the pin and pop the bubble...leave my comfort zone. Leave my illusion of safety. Let go of my comfort blankets. And allow God to use the unfamiliarity, awkardness and all those other elements to produce growth and beauty and life...instead of anxiety and worry and strife.
As I processed this today, I realized something else. It's not just about comfort and bubbles and being familiar with people or places or things. It's about trust and us. If I am totally and fully leaning on and trusting the Lord with each and every moment, I am breathing in and out His life and love. When that is happening, He will be giving me the confidence, comfort, and grace I need for each moment - in or out of the bubble. It is when my eyes are taken off of Him and placed on anything or everything around me that the anxiety is created...that the worry starts to build...that I begin to think things might just get too uncomfortable for me. That I might not be able to or know how to handle what might be coming my way. And all of the sudden, I've started trusting myself instead of the One who promises me EVERYTHING I need as I follow Him. I also know that the path He leads me on will rarely park in a comfort zone for any length of time but be a constant weave in and out of challenges, new discoveries, and lessons He wants to teach me. It will be full of joy...it will be full of life...it will be beautiful...but what I should never count on it to be is comfortable. Or normal. Or even sometimes familiar.
Michael and I still refer to ourselves as the new houseparents at Barton; we still say (and feel) very new to Arkansas. In the grand scheme of things, this is not yet the Land of the Familiar for us and I didn't even think I had a comfort zone here yet. Until I realized that I do. Even amidst the ongoing transition and the fact that we are still newbies, I realized just today that I have already created a comfort zone. Just recently, our house was stripped down of half of our long-term girls and all of our short-term placements (by no related events, just coincidental timing). This involved sad good-byes and a tiny bit of stress as we transitioned those girls out and begin to wonder who we would be welcoming in. It was when we welcomed a new one in that I realized I wanted to cling to a comfort zone I didn't know existed. You see, even though, the long term girls we have remaining still present plenty for us to work through, address, and love on everyday, I am now familiar with them and feel comfortable working with them - despite the fact that the unexpected is still bound to happen quite regularly. Well, our new arrival. In addition to her suitcase and backpack, she carried back in all the unfamiliarity, awkwardness, and other elements that when thrown together can cause me anxiety if I am not careful. And I found myself this morning before church excited to go back on shift tonight with the girls...until my heart started beating fast. Because I realized I wasn't going back to the Land of the Familiar tonight. The Land had changed. With each arrival, it changes. I knew that, too. But what I did not know was how accustomed I had become in such a short time to the "way things are," which if I am not careful will reduce my openness to the "way things could be." Each new arrival comes with new opportunity, new challenges, new transitions, and yes, sometimes a few steps backwards before a few steps forward. To seize these opportunities, to properly face these challenges, to thrive amidst these transitions, and to gain a few steps forward...I must be ready to pick up the pin and pop the bubble...leave my comfort zone. Leave my illusion of safety. Let go of my comfort blankets. And allow God to use the unfamiliarity, awkardness and all those other elements to produce growth and beauty and life...instead of anxiety and worry and strife.
As I processed this today, I realized something else. It's not just about comfort and bubbles and being familiar with people or places or things. It's about trust and us. If I am totally and fully leaning on and trusting the Lord with each and every moment, I am breathing in and out His life and love. When that is happening, He will be giving me the confidence, comfort, and grace I need for each moment - in or out of the bubble. It is when my eyes are taken off of Him and placed on anything or everything around me that the anxiety is created...that the worry starts to build...that I begin to think things might just get too uncomfortable for me. That I might not be able to or know how to handle what might be coming my way. And all of the sudden, I've started trusting myself instead of the One who promises me EVERYTHING I need as I follow Him. I also know that the path He leads me on will rarely park in a comfort zone for any length of time but be a constant weave in and out of challenges, new discoveries, and lessons He wants to teach me. It will be full of joy...it will be full of life...it will be beautiful...but what I should never count on it to be is comfortable. Or normal. Or even sometimes familiar.
such authenticity. and grace. so glad i'm not the only one who has to pop my bubble of comfort and complacency every 5 minutes! :) xoxo
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