I put my finger on the fact this week that we have jumped into a lifestyle of constant change. When we first moved here and started working, everything was new and different, so I did not realize it. But once I had settled, re-settled, and settled again (with each addition or subtraction to the household), I realized the new pace of life we are now living. I am not used to so much change, even though it is still such a small percentage of what most of our girls have gone through. Don't get me wrong. I am the person who attended 10 schools in 12 years of primary and secondary education; I have lived in several different states. I changed my major in college about 4 times. Many things in my life are in a constant state of change; however, I have never had the most intimate part of my life - my home, my "family" - be shifted so constantly. It can take a toll on your heart if you are not careful. But it can also serve as a reminder to me of the kind of transition each of these girls have been asked to undergo x100; it can produce understanding and compassion. But of course, before I came to these realizations (and even now) it can also build anxiety and unrest. I have to remember what God is doing. About a week ago, after a rather emotionally heavy week and a lot of emotional unrest, I told Michael I had figured it out - the change was not stopping. The change just kept going. And I had been waiting for it to stop. I had been waiting for the deep breath. I was waiting to settle in. I was waiting. Then I realized that THIS IS IT...the change is part of it...the change is what we are here for...being here through the change, being the open door and the hug on the way out. Speaking the truth in the most painful moments. Providing a safe place...for however long its needed. But the change, it won't go away. And this realization helped settle my heart and change my perspective. It is still hard, because it is a huge transition. It is a different way of living. Not everything changes - we have a few long-term girls who have been here a year or longer, but our other spots can flucuate monthly, weekly, or even daily. And just because you are long-term does not mean that your life, or case, or situation is not a daily rollercoaster ride for us all. I have said several times throughout the process of our move that I believe God brought us here to teach us things and to shape and grow us in a way that was not possible in Salina. And how true that is! Everything is just so much clearer when reality hits. I have a lot to learn and to glean from a life that is constantly unexpected and rarely "settles down" and I can only pray that the Lord will use this broken vessel to bring some good thing out of this dust.
As an update, here is a glimpse of the CHANGE Barton has seen the last 1-2 weeks:
-Our oldest long-term girl interviewed for and got her first job to save for a car and college expenses next year. She began this last week at Wendy's. Next on the agenda is setting up bank accounts and start working on money management skills before she gets her first paycheck this week!
-We hosted two youth each for a short amount of time as one transitioned home and one transitioned to a more intensive center where she could get more specific care, one an older youth who had spent a lot of time in detention centers and the other a young girl who was dealing with a lot of anger issues. We learned a lot from both of them.
-I took my first trip into the doctor's office for one of our short-term girls to get a pregnancy test and was relieved when it was negative. Unfortunately, she was not as relieved as I was.
-We welcomed our first "private placement" youth a few weeks ago, a very motivated young woman pursuing change and a fresh start in her personal life and help with making her transition to adoption more productive. Now we just have to find ways to see that the changes she makes HERE go with her when she goes HOME. A good reminder that its about the heart.
-One of our girls who has been with us about a month switched schools, transitioned to our long-term program AND then left us for a week or so for some additional treatment. We are ready for her return this week.
-We welcomed two sisters Wednesday of this week to Barton. That same night, we had another arrival, and our house grew by 3 overnight!
At the same time I made the realization of the life of CHANGE we have accepted, I also have realized the stability and constants we have recieved since we arrived. I am so thankful for these:
-We have an extremely stable, supportive, and so incredibly wonderful supervisory staff that we work under here! They have become our friends and a huge support system for us. Even though we may not always be meeting about the same girls or problems, we get to see their smiling faces each day and recieve their God-given encouragement and much-appreciated wisdom and insight!
-We have a great infrastructure within the organization that is consistent within the house and across the campus. No matter who comes to our door, we know certain things to expect and our house (as well as the other houses across campus) will hold the same structure, organization, and functionality. This gives me comfort.
-The LORD is our ROCK and our SALVATION. I remember the first difficult move of my childhood; ironically, it was when my family moved from Arkansas to Kansas and I remember from my childhood prayer journals that this was the first period of my life where I understood what it meant for God to be my ROCK. Even as a child, I had felt the ground shifting beneath me. I had felt like my life was falling apart (or at least for a bit), but my GOD was with me and HE remained the same! I am so thankful the same is true today.
As an update, here is a glimpse of the CHANGE Barton has seen the last 1-2 weeks:
-Our oldest long-term girl interviewed for and got her first job to save for a car and college expenses next year. She began this last week at Wendy's. Next on the agenda is setting up bank accounts and start working on money management skills before she gets her first paycheck this week!
-We hosted two youth each for a short amount of time as one transitioned home and one transitioned to a more intensive center where she could get more specific care, one an older youth who had spent a lot of time in detention centers and the other a young girl who was dealing with a lot of anger issues. We learned a lot from both of them.
-I took my first trip into the doctor's office for one of our short-term girls to get a pregnancy test and was relieved when it was negative. Unfortunately, she was not as relieved as I was.
-We welcomed our first "private placement" youth a few weeks ago, a very motivated young woman pursuing change and a fresh start in her personal life and help with making her transition to adoption more productive. Now we just have to find ways to see that the changes she makes HERE go with her when she goes HOME. A good reminder that its about the heart.
-One of our girls who has been with us about a month switched schools, transitioned to our long-term program AND then left us for a week or so for some additional treatment. We are ready for her return this week.
-We welcomed two sisters Wednesday of this week to Barton. That same night, we had another arrival, and our house grew by 3 overnight!
At the same time I made the realization of the life of CHANGE we have accepted, I also have realized the stability and constants we have recieved since we arrived. I am so thankful for these:
-We have an extremely stable, supportive, and so incredibly wonderful supervisory staff that we work under here! They have become our friends and a huge support system for us. Even though we may not always be meeting about the same girls or problems, we get to see their smiling faces each day and recieve their God-given encouragement and much-appreciated wisdom and insight!
-We have a great infrastructure within the organization that is consistent within the house and across the campus. No matter who comes to our door, we know certain things to expect and our house (as well as the other houses across campus) will hold the same structure, organization, and functionality. This gives me comfort.
-The LORD is our ROCK and our SALVATION. I remember the first difficult move of my childhood; ironically, it was when my family moved from Arkansas to Kansas and I remember from my childhood prayer journals that this was the first period of my life where I understood what it meant for God to be my ROCK. Even as a child, I had felt the ground shifting beneath me. I had felt like my life was falling apart (or at least for a bit), but my GOD was with me and HE remained the same! I am so thankful the same is true today.
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