A Beautiful Mosaic

Do not read this post without briefing yourself on the previous post . FAQ / Prayer Requests regarding the upcoming changes: 1.  What is the timeline of the transition? I start my new position on December 3.  We plan to tell the girls about 1 week before the transition.  A few couples have already interviewed for the position to take the Barton Home (position I was advertising in my previous post), so we hope there will be a short window of time before we complete our time at Barton and when the new houseparents start. PLEASE PRAY for the girls' hearts to be prepared.  For wisdom in choosing the next houseparents.  For the next houseparents to feel the call strongly and respond promptly.  For the transition for EVERY one...that we all survive in one piece...particularly maintaining order once the news is announced.  It will be challenging no matter what. 2.  Where will you live? We will be moving off campus for this position.  So, we ...

Sometimes the way God operates is to ask for our obedience and trust before He rolls back the curtain and reveals His purposes or even the sources of His continued provision.  Scratch that.  MOST of the time, the way God operates is such.  In my experience, almost always.  "Because I said so, Betsy," should be enough.  I learned that at a young age from my parents.  But my inquiring mind still wants to ask for the blueprint and all the details that will help me understand how this is for my greater good and God's greatest glory.  But here I am today with news to share and no blueprint to lay out across the table between us to show you the dimensions and square footage of the bigger picture.  Just a story of His faithful, patient love and persistent, clear voice.  The clarity of His voice is confirmed for me by the drastic dissonance with every one of the man-made plans my heart had been secretly constructing over the last few months ...

To all my blog followers, readers, and random people that may happen along this blog: There is a home opening on our campus in need of a new house parenting married couple! Could God be calling you to this beautiful campus to help fulfill our mission here - "to share Christ's healing love with children, youth, and families in crisis?" I know not what God has planned but I know there have been many people who have asked after reading my blog how we found out about an opportunity like this, and so, I am simply submitting myself as an agent of information if it so moves you or tugs at your heart. You can email me at mbanderson08@gmail.com with any questions of a personal nature or can inquire professionally with the Campus Administrator (see below)! For a job description, see all previous blog posts... :) just kidding, see Vera Lloyd's website: www.veralloyd.org There are other open positions posted as well.

Some days sear into your memory without permission from your will or desire. Their eventual impact unbeknownst at the time somehow speaks its value to your heart for later: "Remember..this." And so, later... once God's wonderful and beautiful plans have begun to unfold before your eyes you are able to remember...where it all began. The moment He ufirst whispered. Your gut-wrench, human reaction that almost sealed the deal in itself, and then His fingerprints. They are illuminated in retrospect like a lantern-laced moonlit path. God's direction, His leadership in our lives as we turn our hearts to Him is a process. It's a flash of lightning followed by a slow misty sunrise. And then it's shining through, exposed like the midday sun to my eyes...clarity to a wondering heart, sight to blind eyes. Several days in the last few months, even last few years have been seared into my soul. And now, what feels like miles down the road, I am standing looking down a lant...

I covet your prayers tomorrow in several ways. Though I rarely can share details, I know there are so many of you who pray anyway. Here is what I can ask: -Please pray for God's presence to be felt in my and Michael's life and the life of our girls. -Please pray for me to move within His rhythms and according to His will in the variety of situations going on. -Pray for a sensitivity to the Spirit and wisdom and understanding through His love. You can also pray for the new houseparents on our campus who are here as a direct response to God's call and start training this week!

There could not have been another thing she could have done to annoy me more.  There were no buttons left to push.  All attempts to uncover an ounce of motivation were futile.  I was a rubberband, and if I was stretched one more millimeter, I would snap.  I needed my lovely 8 hour break in my bed from talking to her, looking at her, thinking about her.  Except I had to get in the big old van and drive to pick her up, which would require at least 5 minutes in the van alone for some good old (but honestly, undesired) one-on-one time.  And so, as my hands gripped the smooth rubber of the steering wheel, and my breath exhaled slowly and loudly into the empty space, I became very direct with the Lord. You're going to have to show me, God.   I pressed the bar down signalling my left blinker toward the high school where she was attending an activity.  Show me all the things that I can love in her and show me what I can do to express that love in a...

We had a new family teaching / houseparenting couple interviewing on campus this last week and I have been mulling over one of their questions since I left the meeting.  "What is the most important contributor to success and longevity as a family teacher here?"  Essentially, what is the most crucial element to thriving for the long haul in this role in this place?  Everyone was quick to provide extremely helpful tips that have helped me acclimate and survive my first year as a houseparent at Vera Lloyd, but I found myself going back to the same seemingly cliche answer over and over again in my mind: CONFIDENCE IN THE CALL OF THE LORD Because when I am confident in the call I recieved from the Lord to be here with His hands and feet attached to my own limbs, then a bad day or extemrely difficult moment within that ministry becomes a part of the sanctifying story God is writing in me rather than another contributing factor to a resignation letter I could be writing....

(written for and shared today at our annual board of director's visit to campus during our speech "life of a family teacher"): Being a Family Teacher doesn't mean you have all the answers but that you are willing to help searching youth find them. Being a Family Teacher doesn't always mean you are the problem solver but you are there as they encounter the obstacles no one should face alone. Being a Family Teacher doesn't mean you will always be able to change a heart but if you are open, yours will be always touched, molded, and changed. Being a Family Teacher doesn't mean all souls will be saved but Jesus' love will be shared and felt and His power is beyond ours. Being a Family Teacher doesn't mean all kids will love and appreciate you but some will realize how much you care, even if it is a year later, and it will make up for the ones that don't. Being a Family Teacher doesn't mean you have 8 kids of your own, but it certainl...

Jesus pioneered a new way of life with His every step, every word, and every deed.  Even after thousands of years, though, His daily cross, His footsteps, His life of love are still foreign, still difficult, and still misunderstood.  I suppose they will never find themselves "common place" because by their very character they will never fit in.  His steps will always direct toward a higher road.  His words will always be full of wisdom and lacking in the pettiness of this world.  His deeds will always be selfless, untainted with self-ambition or ulterior motive.  And it seems the longer I walk with Him, and the farther off-course with the world I step to follow His footsteps, the more I realize He is still pioneering today.  The few times that I get it right and I match my steps with His...or I am empty enough to let His words echo through me...or my actions are in harmony with His direction - those times are when I realize how the "new life"...

HouseParenting : We can't believe we are already in full swing into our second school year as houseparents in Arkansas!  Now that we have a house full of long-term girls, we have almost all of our girls enrolled in the public school system here rather than our on-campus school.  We have a few girls participating in gymnastics, one girl in the high school choir, and everyone bringing home plenty of math homework for Michael to have his fill on a daily basis.  With the long-term youth on campus, we have also started a 4-H club to offer each of the youth an extracurricular activity that will encourage them to grow in leadership and personal strengths.  The first meeting was a great success!  Though we now have our "training year" under our belts, every day still provides an ample learning curve and plenty of opportunities to grow, improve, and learn.  Though each girl we have right now presents their own unique issues to work with, we are finding more and mo...

Lord, please grant me: •1 package of patience (with grace) •2 extra doses of early morning energy •10 packages of good organization •1 full set or unconditional love •1 of each: wisdom, insight, understanding •1 extra tank of gas / week •3 times a day for gratitude •10 folds of uncircumstansial JOY

Some additional thoughts in the form of requests we would be humbled to have you lift on our behalf: -Michael's dad has recently been diagnosed with cancer and has begun the process of determining treatment, prognosis, etc.  Not only is he and the entire situation starving for prayer but Michael as well as he tries to process and be of some support from so many miles away. -For energy, wisdom, and endurance as we gear up for another school year.  Earlier alarm clocks ringing, a stack of enrollments still to complete, a host of individual needs, and a busy schedule household await. -Each of our girls could use prayer in so very many ways.  Please just pray over their hearts, their wounds, their traumas, and their healing process.  Also please pray for the ones who have left us this summer...that He is blessing and keeping them and making His face to shine upon them and being gracious unto them and giving them peace. -Pray for our resident that moved into the trans...

I have not made my blog a priority this summer as so many other things have weezled their way to the forefront of my mind and life, but I have missed it.  There are so many things to process and share, I thought I'd put together a quick look at the summer as we prepare for school next week . Episode 1: Hello Our house has officially become the long-term residential home for girls on our campus, which means we no longer house any of the emergency-shelter 45-day girls and our girls will all generally stay longer than that.  Our longest tenured resident now is getting close to her 4th year at VLPH, so this is truly her home.  We have two little 9-year-olds now, who are just beginning their time with us, so we have the full spectrum.  We are LOVING being the long-term house.  It took us all about one full month to settle in to one another, get to know each each other, and make this everyone's true home.  The whole transitio...

People think I work at a camp.  Or at least that what I do or where I live is like being at a camp.  I even had some similiar subconscious preliminary feelings about this type of work...before I began it.  But it's not.  It's not a camp and you can't "play" camp.  Because it is these kids' real lives.  They stay too long for a mountain top high to last.  And it isn't just a "week away from it all."  It was their destination following trauma.  Their mandatory new habitat.  But not camp.  This week, "camp" arrived on our campus, though, and a massive explosion erupted.  I can't tell you how much glass shattered or how many cuss words I heard.  I don't know where it ended or where it began, but "camp" was one of the most difficult things for our kids to do.  "Camp" is about getting away, throwing inhibitions to the wind, being silly, establishing new relationships, and hearts hearing messages that it would not...

I wrote a letter today to the one Barton girl we have had since our first day at Vera Lloyd.  Now that the girls' side of our Transitional Living Program is open, she has officially moved into that program as of this weekend.  We are so excited for her and know this is the crucial next step to her success in life, but we are so sad to see her go. We are praying that the hard work and endurance she has shown thus far will continue as she takes on large parts of life on her own.  We pray for good influences and that she will be able to build trust quickly with the new people in her life.  We pray she will find the strength and courage from her faith to make the right decisions and do what is best for her and others.  We pray that she will grow through the impending difficulties rather than become imbittered.  We pray for opportunities to be a part of her life as our role in her life transforms.  And we pray for the strength to let go ...

As I type, two worlds are beginning one giant collision on the other side of our apartment door.  When we visited Kansas recently, our big news was about our home's transition this summer.  Instead of being a partial long-term residential / partial short-term emergency shelter home for girls, we are becoming the long-term residential home with 8 long-term spots!  The shelter girls (who stay on campus for 45 days or less until a long-term placement is secured) will be filling up the house next door and will no longer be staying at our house.  Thus, on this sunny Sunday afternoon, the 4 long-term girls from next door (who have lived here for lengths of time ranging from 8 months to almost 4 years) are moving their things into our home, and our short-term shelter youth are moving out. The oldest Barton girl who has been with us the entire time we have been here moved out this weekend into our Girl's Transitional Living Program (right across the street) to...

So much to say and yet nothing to say.  I sit down and try to write more than a paragraph about anything and I start an entirely new post on something else that comes to mind.  So, in effort to include a bit of all these musings, I am going to try another approach: Lessons from the Trenches of God's Grace : *I am realizing that the magnitude of our understanding of God's greatness is proportionate to our own contact and experience with suffering and pain. *I am realizing that there is a melody of peace that God sings faithfully beneath my songs of anxiety, stress, and worry.  The opportunity to harmonize is always there.  *I am realizing that no level of education, insight, understanding, theorizing, or even theology will prepare you to come face to face with the pain of others and swim in its murky waters. *I am realizing that every step in life is the piece of a puzzle that prepares you to connect to ...

Sometimes love is a lot of work.  I wish I could tell you that 90 percent of what I am able to do in our home is sit down for life-changing heart-to-hearts with the girls and help them come to amazing realizations about their inherent worth and the love of a God of grace.  And I wish that when I opened the door to the Barton Home on the night of these girls' arrivals that those would be the kind of things that naturally happened in the course of our relationship.  However, it takes a lot of time and a lot of work before these culminations have even a chance of being our reality.  Sometimes love just takes a lot of work. Before I ever find myself in a heart-to-heart, I must first be the limit-setter, the boundary-enforcer, the disciplinarian, because strangely, it is through these things (among others) that I am able to earn trust.  Before I can impart any kind of idea about value or faith, I must first live it out and humbly be ready to admit my own failu...

I found out a little late to get anything organized, but there is a national prayer vigil from May 20 - 27, 2012 for children in the United States foster care system.  You can find out all about it and a lot of interesting information about the pressing needs of kids in foster care and worldwide orphans here: www.cryoftheorphan.org   Check it out! Instead of organizing a location, I thought I would just use this opportunity to urge any and all readers of my blog to specifically pray along with me during this time.  Pray for these children.  A population that once was simply a familiar concept to me has come alive in my own life in the last few years.  Alive, breathing, hurting. Children who are so afraid of love they beg you to hate.  Children who cannot correctly identify what safety or healthy feels like.  Children who are alone and can only think about the family they had to leave.  Children who are broken and breaking everyday....

lately... we have been consumed at barton with PINK HAT DAY which is a fabulous day on campus where we invite all of the presbyterian women from the state and surrounding states who support us year-round to join us for the day on campus. (see my facebook page for some pictures!) the women tour the "pink-ed out" homes and campus and then have a fabulous lunch and time together in our gym with presentations by staff and youth.  some of the girls were in a fashion show and each of the youth participated in a "cardboard" testimony time during the song "the wind beneath my wings."  it took a lot of preparation of the house and the girls to be ready, but we did it and the house looked great.  the girls were gracious hostesses and looked really cute, as well.  they each got pink flip flops and big pink flowers to wear in their hair for the festivities.  it was an exciting day!  then, reality hit and we were thrown back into the swing of things of real life. it ...

I do not know how to handle being hated.  I don't know how to swallow the feeling.  I feel like there is always something more I can do to resolve...or to make up...or to prove that I am worthy of their trust or respect because I really do care.  I am not sure where this comes from. Or why it is such an issue for me.  Other than my leftover issues with insecurity or insufficiency...or people-pleasing...or pride...and my over-sensitivity which has been my trademark my entire life. I imagine there are several years worth of therapy in here somewhere, and I am going to continue to pick at the issue. Because it keeps coming up. And its not what God intended: "Work willingly at whatever you do, as though you were working for the LORD rather than for people."* "If the world hates me, remember that it hated me first."* "And everyone will hate you because you are my followers."* "So don't be surprised, dear brothers and sisters, if the world hates you...

A few Sundays ago, the pastor preached a sermon using Numbers 20:2-12 for a fantastic message about frustration and the downfall of acting out in our frustrations. A simple message on faithfulness to the work and calling of the Lord, though, that also permeates the text is what has stuck with me for these weeks following the message. And right now, what I need most are constant reminders of the Truth about remaining faithful to the work and calling of the Lord. Let me show you what I found: "Now there was no water for the community, and the people gathered in opposition to Moses and Aaron. They quarrelled with Moses and said, 'If only we had died when our brothers fell dead before the Lord! Why did you bring the Lord's community into this desert that we and our livestock should die here? Why did you bring us up out of Egypt to this terrible place? It has no grains or figs, grapevines, or pomegranates. And there is no water to drink!" It has been the better part of...

March Madness: Our BIG 8 1.  Spring Break meant lots of excitement for the Barton Home!  We were treated to a wonderful day in Little Rock with our sponsor church.  We were able to take in the newly renovated Museum of Discovery, as well as some wonderful food.  It was a great day for the girls to get out of the house, experience something new, and be loved on by the ladies from our wonderful sponsor church! 2.  The girls also got to go to an all-campus Roller Skating party in Little Rock the next day hosted by the church they attend in Monticello.  They had a blast and one of the girls learned to skate for the first time in her life!  3.  Michael and I spent a day in Little Rock during Spring Break with our oldest and long-term youth shopping for a PROM DRESS!  This was a busy, busy but very fun day, and may I say, SUCCESSFUL! 4.  We've been learning, learning, learning and transitioning, transitioning, transitioning as some central...

If it wasn't for Him, I wouldn't have kept moving.  I wouldn't have made it through the day.If it wasn't for His grace, I would have failed completely.  I wouldn't have had anything to say. Because when your heart is so burdened with heartache and pain, how are you supposed to reach out? When you feel like you're downing and sinking, how can you move beyond doubt? He is my strength and my sustaining power when I am absolutely weak. He alone is the only thing worthy of being the One that I seek. My wonderful, sweet grandfather passed away almost two weeks ago.  He had fought a good, brave battle with cancer and was taken quietly home with the Lord in the presence of his children and his dear wife of 61 years.  I had the great blessing of being able to visit my grandparents about a month before he passed away when he was still lucid and able to enjoy simple joys in life.  I cherish that wonderful weekend and thank God for the gift.  I was unsure how hi...