To say nothing at all

Jesus pioneered a new way of life with His every step, every word, and every deed.  Even after thousands of years, though, His daily cross, His footsteps, His life of love are still foreign, still difficult, and still misunderstood.  I suppose they will never find themselves "common place" because by their very character they will never fit in.  His steps will always direct toward a higher road.  His words will always be full of wisdom and lacking in the pettiness of this world.  His deeds will always be selfless, untainted with self-ambition or ulterior motive.  And it seems the longer I walk with Him, and the farther off-course with the world I step to follow His footsteps, the more I realize He is still pioneering today.  The few times that I get it right and I match my steps with His...or I am empty enough to let His words echo through me...or my actions are in harmony with His direction - those times are when I realize how the "new life" He introduced so long ago is still a "new" and "different" idea today.  If I really want to walk that way, I have to be willing to walk differently.  I am really going to talk that way, I have to be ready to be misheard, misunderstood, or misinterpreted, because I talk differently.  If I am going to dare act that way, I must prepare myself to be seen as strange or even crazy by others.  Because it wasn't just a new way; it was a revolutionary way and few have been courageous enough to take it.  It was not just new, it was life-changing, and few have been brave enough for change.  It was not just new, it was polarizing, and few have been ready to stand out.  I am learning this the most in the area of patient suffering: in learning to say nothing at all.  Because I am a person who has always had an answer.  In fact, I love to have the last word.  I like to be right, and I like to preserve myself from being humiliated.  But as I have tried to align my steps with His, and match my words to those of Christ...my stubbornness in these areas has begun to dissolve as I have instead bit my tongue, walked away, or simply answered with, "okay."  Not to say that there is never a time to have something to say, but I have been learning from Christ this year that sometimes the answer is to say nothing at all.  Sometimes, LOVE is to say nothing at all.  Because I can't give an answer to the amount of hate, resentment, hostility, or anger directed toward me when I am working with wounded, bleeding at-risk teens.  I simply can't.  I'm supposed to be offering my cloak, too...or exposing my other cheek. And what God has opened my eyes to is the fact that only some answers speak love in those situations and that is what is needed.  And so, I step into the common place world with these uncommonplace things and I feel very out of place yet at peace.  And I say nothing at all.  Or speak love in a nutshell.  And my actions are so weird they are laughable to others.  They don't make sense.  They aren't just new; they are strange, crazy, misunderstood, and standing out like a grey-hair at a PINK concert.  And I think about Jesus in His sandals in the dust walking boldly and quietly into the world with Revolution.  And I don't think He blinked or hesitated or questioned His steps, and so I ask Him for that kind of confidence and that kind of strength to keep walking in His footsteps, to keep breathing His words (or lack thereof), and to keep acting out His love.