People think I work at a camp. Or at least that what I do or where I live is like being at a camp. I even had some similiar subconscious preliminary feelings about this type of work...before I began it. But it's not. It's not a camp and you can't "play" camp. Because it is these kids' real lives. They stay too long for a mountain top high to last. And it isn't just a "week away from it all." It was their destination following trauma. Their mandatory new habitat. But not camp.
This week, "camp" arrived on our campus, though, and a massive explosion erupted. I can't tell you how much glass shattered or how many cuss words I heard. I don't know where it ended or where it began, but "camp" was one of the most difficult things for our kids to do. "Camp" is about getting away, throwing inhibitions to the wind, being silly, establishing new relationships, and hearts hearing messages that it would not have been quiet enough to hear at home. Here is why "camp" is a struggle for our youth:
1. Camp is about getting away: These kids are already "away." They are away from everything that is familiar but usually not for a positive reason. Usually some trauma happening to them or involving them has caused their safety to be comprimised, and thus, their placement at "home" is comprimised, as well. Thus, they are "away," whether they like it or not.
2. Camp is out about throwing inhibitions to the wind: To throw inhibitions to the wind, a certain level of confidence is needed. A level of secruity with one's self and one's circumstances in life are necessary to simply let go, go with the flow, or "be yourself." Varying levels of insecurity and maturity make setting aside inhibitions nearly impossible, let alone throwing them to the wind.
3. Camp is about being silly: Silliness usually comes to the surface for two reasons. One, either the person being silly is completely comfortable with their self and their life at that moment, or two, that person is seeking attention from an "audience" they perceive. Our kids are not usually silly, unless it is on their terms, which is almost always in the silliness category two. Category one silliness is not common as they are usually behind on their journey to being comfortable with themselves, and they are usually never comfortable with their life. Silliness also requires the ability to reside at least for that moment in childhood; for a child who has had their childhood stripped away, this in itself can be a trigger to trauma.
4. Camp is about establishing new relationships: Oh, this one is a dousey. New relationships require openness to relationship by trust and confidence. These kids can muster up small amounts of these things when necessary because a new relationship is being thrust upon them (i.e. they are living with a new set of "parents" temporarily or seeing a therapist); however, the typical youth in our care has found failure in those they have trusted enough times that they do not seek out opportunities to do so again. Thus, attitudes toward new relationships can most of the time be very poor.
5. Camp is about the heart hearing messages that it would not have been quiet enough to hear at home: This part of camp is usually the culmination of all of the other aspects of camp that went on all week long and facilitated this step. Therefore, the likelihood of this step occurring is low.
However, the ideas behind camp, the purposes behind these weeks of craziness are possible with our kids. They just take a certain measure of extra insight, effort, flexibility, and possibly courage to try old things new ways. Our kids need the same things that other youth need; they just might need to recieve it in new ways. They might need to play a different kind of game. Or have a different kind of conversation. For example...
1. Camp is about getting away: They can't go away from here and they are already away from where they may want to be, but they can experience time periods "away" from their worries, their anxiety, their fears, their frustrations. Providing non-intimidating but exciting, new experiences for the youth could provide this element and allow them to loosen up a bit. At least to begin with, these new experiences have to have a "withdraw" aspect and not only be asking for a "deposit."
2. Camp is about throwing inhibitions to the wind: Teaching a youth to conquer their fears, rise above their anxiety and achieve a new task is a wonderful avenue to this with our kids; however, you must tread carefully in your presentation. This must be a choice the youth makes and not a forced experience. They need to be inspired. It needs to be modeled. And it needs to have a meaningful purpose in their life. Expecting them to completely let go, though, is unrealistic. These kids have walls built for a reason, and they are very important to them. They are guarding their hearts that have been completely scarred. Completely ripping those defenses out of their hands leaves them standing naked and cold in front of an unforgiving audience. Inspiration. Meaning. Grace.
3. Camp is about being silly: Find out what is important to the youth, and you might be getting a little bit closer to their silly zone or sense of humor than you were with the camp games or silly videos. True silliness can only come out of the places they are secure, so getting to know the person would be the first step to uncovering this. Some kids will not be in a place where they can let go this much, because they are in process and this is threatening in some way to their feelings of safety and security. Don't criticize this. Have grace.
4. Camp is about establishing new relationships: Trust just may be the hardest and most important thing to gain from these kiddos but it is possible with a lot of hard work. Don't give up and keep coming back. Every hour or every day. And show an interest in them. Not in them buying into what you are bringing but interest in who they are, what they want, and how they are doing. When they see you care about these things, they may be open to caring about your things.
5. Camp is about the heart hearing messages that it would not have been quiet enough to hear at home: As I stated before, this is only possible as a culminating factor of the previously mentioned elements. The won't hear your message if they don't feel your love. So don't start with a Bible study, start with your story. Or better yet, their story. See where that takes you on the journey to their heart.
Finally, these tid bits of camp-isms from the world of Vera Lloyd do not come from my own success in these areas. They come from my own failures and my being able to experience what is a normal experience for me - "camp" - alongside our youth who are foreign to every single aspect of it. They come from my own mistakes as I played the peace-keeping or connecting role between my estranged kiddos and the "camp" that was on campus. "Camp" wanted the kids and the kids didn't want camp, and I did not handle that by taking my own advice for sure. I made several mistakes, some of which are mentioned above. These tid bits came from a whole lot of internal processing as the week went on and a whole lot of wondering what was going on as attitudes surfaced, words were exchanged, and anger was expressed. Camp coming to campus was not a bad thing. Even in the aftermath each day, there were opportunities for the kids to progress on their journey if they so chose. But it was an invasion. Of love. Of life. Of health. Of new. And typically invasions, despite the character of the invade-ee, do not go that well. And so I felt the need to break the illusion of my life for you all: I do not live at camp. My life is not like camp. My life is more like yours...with some extra elements thrown in. Ministry comes in seeking Christ as I move throughout that life and though it means more difficulty, these opportunities are amplified at moments of crisis, of triggered emotion, of those precious walls crumbling to the ground.
This week, "camp" arrived on our campus, though, and a massive explosion erupted. I can't tell you how much glass shattered or how many cuss words I heard. I don't know where it ended or where it began, but "camp" was one of the most difficult things for our kids to do. "Camp" is about getting away, throwing inhibitions to the wind, being silly, establishing new relationships, and hearts hearing messages that it would not have been quiet enough to hear at home. Here is why "camp" is a struggle for our youth:
1. Camp is about getting away: These kids are already "away." They are away from everything that is familiar but usually not for a positive reason. Usually some trauma happening to them or involving them has caused their safety to be comprimised, and thus, their placement at "home" is comprimised, as well. Thus, they are "away," whether they like it or not.
2. Camp is out about throwing inhibitions to the wind: To throw inhibitions to the wind, a certain level of confidence is needed. A level of secruity with one's self and one's circumstances in life are necessary to simply let go, go with the flow, or "be yourself." Varying levels of insecurity and maturity make setting aside inhibitions nearly impossible, let alone throwing them to the wind.
3. Camp is about being silly: Silliness usually comes to the surface for two reasons. One, either the person being silly is completely comfortable with their self and their life at that moment, or two, that person is seeking attention from an "audience" they perceive. Our kids are not usually silly, unless it is on their terms, which is almost always in the silliness category two. Category one silliness is not common as they are usually behind on their journey to being comfortable with themselves, and they are usually never comfortable with their life. Silliness also requires the ability to reside at least for that moment in childhood; for a child who has had their childhood stripped away, this in itself can be a trigger to trauma.
4. Camp is about establishing new relationships: Oh, this one is a dousey. New relationships require openness to relationship by trust and confidence. These kids can muster up small amounts of these things when necessary because a new relationship is being thrust upon them (i.e. they are living with a new set of "parents" temporarily or seeing a therapist); however, the typical youth in our care has found failure in those they have trusted enough times that they do not seek out opportunities to do so again. Thus, attitudes toward new relationships can most of the time be very poor.
5. Camp is about the heart hearing messages that it would not have been quiet enough to hear at home: This part of camp is usually the culmination of all of the other aspects of camp that went on all week long and facilitated this step. Therefore, the likelihood of this step occurring is low.
However, the ideas behind camp, the purposes behind these weeks of craziness are possible with our kids. They just take a certain measure of extra insight, effort, flexibility, and possibly courage to try old things new ways. Our kids need the same things that other youth need; they just might need to recieve it in new ways. They might need to play a different kind of game. Or have a different kind of conversation. For example...
1. Camp is about getting away: They can't go away from here and they are already away from where they may want to be, but they can experience time periods "away" from their worries, their anxiety, their fears, their frustrations. Providing non-intimidating but exciting, new experiences for the youth could provide this element and allow them to loosen up a bit. At least to begin with, these new experiences have to have a "withdraw" aspect and not only be asking for a "deposit."
2. Camp is about throwing inhibitions to the wind: Teaching a youth to conquer their fears, rise above their anxiety and achieve a new task is a wonderful avenue to this with our kids; however, you must tread carefully in your presentation. This must be a choice the youth makes and not a forced experience. They need to be inspired. It needs to be modeled. And it needs to have a meaningful purpose in their life. Expecting them to completely let go, though, is unrealistic. These kids have walls built for a reason, and they are very important to them. They are guarding their hearts that have been completely scarred. Completely ripping those defenses out of their hands leaves them standing naked and cold in front of an unforgiving audience. Inspiration. Meaning. Grace.
3. Camp is about being silly: Find out what is important to the youth, and you might be getting a little bit closer to their silly zone or sense of humor than you were with the camp games or silly videos. True silliness can only come out of the places they are secure, so getting to know the person would be the first step to uncovering this. Some kids will not be in a place where they can let go this much, because they are in process and this is threatening in some way to their feelings of safety and security. Don't criticize this. Have grace.
4. Camp is about establishing new relationships: Trust just may be the hardest and most important thing to gain from these kiddos but it is possible with a lot of hard work. Don't give up and keep coming back. Every hour or every day. And show an interest in them. Not in them buying into what you are bringing but interest in who they are, what they want, and how they are doing. When they see you care about these things, they may be open to caring about your things.
5. Camp is about the heart hearing messages that it would not have been quiet enough to hear at home: As I stated before, this is only possible as a culminating factor of the previously mentioned elements. The won't hear your message if they don't feel your love. So don't start with a Bible study, start with your story. Or better yet, their story. See where that takes you on the journey to their heart.
Finally, these tid bits of camp-isms from the world of Vera Lloyd do not come from my own success in these areas. They come from my own failures and my being able to experience what is a normal experience for me - "camp" - alongside our youth who are foreign to every single aspect of it. They come from my own mistakes as I played the peace-keeping or connecting role between my estranged kiddos and the "camp" that was on campus. "Camp" wanted the kids and the kids didn't want camp, and I did not handle that by taking my own advice for sure. I made several mistakes, some of which are mentioned above. These tid bits came from a whole lot of internal processing as the week went on and a whole lot of wondering what was going on as attitudes surfaced, words were exchanged, and anger was expressed. Camp coming to campus was not a bad thing. Even in the aftermath each day, there were opportunities for the kids to progress on their journey if they so chose. But it was an invasion. Of love. Of life. Of health. Of new. And typically invasions, despite the character of the invade-ee, do not go that well. And so I felt the need to break the illusion of my life for you all: I do not live at camp. My life is not like camp. My life is more like yours...with some extra elements thrown in. Ministry comes in seeking Christ as I move throughout that life and though it means more difficulty, these opportunities are amplified at moments of crisis, of triggered emotion, of those precious walls crumbling to the ground.
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