Experiential lessons learned lately that have turned into daily reminders for myself:
Take interest and joy in the child.
We recenly had a girl tell us upon our return from time off that she needed us to read and explain a letter to her. The letter had very positive news in it. We read it together and rejoiced greatly together over the news, having a big rah-rah fest. Later, we found out she had already read and had the letter explained to her days before. Evidently, it was important to her to share that moment with us and have someone take the same interest and joy in her life. It's easy for me to forget how important this is.
Refuse to condemn potential in light of behavior.
A girl who is more comfortable with being bad than being good can finally find peace with doing right. A girl who pushes you away every time you try to care can indeed learn how to form relationships and bonds. A girl who acts out may be looking for nothing more than attention. A girl whose heart is so tortured she runs from emotion so she will feel no more pain...she can learn to recieve love. And she did. I just got off the phone with her a little bit ago. If I can remember God's limitless power, maybe stories like these can be repeated.
Forget about face value.
She's an angry little girl with an attitude problem. Or is she? Turns out she is hurting and broken and feeling rejected by the world, particularly her mama. She was never taught how to express these things, but she knows how to be mad. And so she's mad at her. And you. And them. And life. And the anger starts to slip away as she finds a safe place to talk about all those hurts, all that brokenness, her belief about being rejected. There is an incredibly fine line, I have learned, between an angry scowl and outright weeping. I am sure I have missed many opportunities by valuing the face at a scowl.
Failure is the hardest thing.
The most difficult thing perhaps we have to do is get girls to admit their negative behaviors and accept their consequences, at least a large portion of the girls we work with. But I think I am beginning to understand why. Some of the girls are trying really hard and have been trying for a long time. They have seen the failure in their families and the lives around them. They have swallowed the consequences of other people's choices...they swallow them every morning when they wake up in foster care. And they want to be better. Do better. Be respectable. Turn things around. Be different. It becomes incredibly difficult for them to face failure. In fact, they will lie, manipulate, tell stories, and all kinds of things to avoid looking their own failures in the eye. We actually do just fine when we get around to consequences but admitting we are not alright all the time, oh this can be a struggle. And so the culture has to become a place where mistakes are made and recovery is possible, where healing can be found, where milk can be spilt.
Take interest and joy in the child.
We recenly had a girl tell us upon our return from time off that she needed us to read and explain a letter to her. The letter had very positive news in it. We read it together and rejoiced greatly together over the news, having a big rah-rah fest. Later, we found out she had already read and had the letter explained to her days before. Evidently, it was important to her to share that moment with us and have someone take the same interest and joy in her life. It's easy for me to forget how important this is.
Refuse to condemn potential in light of behavior.
A girl who is more comfortable with being bad than being good can finally find peace with doing right. A girl who pushes you away every time you try to care can indeed learn how to form relationships and bonds. A girl who acts out may be looking for nothing more than attention. A girl whose heart is so tortured she runs from emotion so she will feel no more pain...she can learn to recieve love. And she did. I just got off the phone with her a little bit ago. If I can remember God's limitless power, maybe stories like these can be repeated.
Forget about face value.
She's an angry little girl with an attitude problem. Or is she? Turns out she is hurting and broken and feeling rejected by the world, particularly her mama. She was never taught how to express these things, but she knows how to be mad. And so she's mad at her. And you. And them. And life. And the anger starts to slip away as she finds a safe place to talk about all those hurts, all that brokenness, her belief about being rejected. There is an incredibly fine line, I have learned, between an angry scowl and outright weeping. I am sure I have missed many opportunities by valuing the face at a scowl.
Failure is the hardest thing.
The most difficult thing perhaps we have to do is get girls to admit their negative behaviors and accept their consequences, at least a large portion of the girls we work with. But I think I am beginning to understand why. Some of the girls are trying really hard and have been trying for a long time. They have seen the failure in their families and the lives around them. They have swallowed the consequences of other people's choices...they swallow them every morning when they wake up in foster care. And they want to be better. Do better. Be respectable. Turn things around. Be different. It becomes incredibly difficult for them to face failure. In fact, they will lie, manipulate, tell stories, and all kinds of things to avoid looking their own failures in the eye. We actually do just fine when we get around to consequences but admitting we are not alright all the time, oh this can be a struggle. And so the culture has to become a place where mistakes are made and recovery is possible, where healing can be found, where milk can be spilt.
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