Timehop told me today that it's been two years since the anxiety was wrecking me of my maternity leave ending and the life of a working mom beginning. (Thanks by the way to all of you who walked that road with me. God bless that broken road that led me straight to you.)
Upon this reflection, I realized all that had changed in two short years and how we'd made a life out of this working mom situation and how I've grown to truly love my life.
A few minutes later, I had this.
TOP 10 WORKING MOM SURVIVAL TIPS:
1. Accept YOUR STORY. As soon as I compare myself to another mom, I typically throw myself into a tizzy. I've slowly come to realize that the only story I can live is mine (and that I'm not even writing it)! And I've fallen in love with it. I'm a 5:00pm mommy (there's only a small club of babies picked up at the late hour of 5:00pm and mine is one of them), and I don't really love it; I accept it. Noelle is a 5:00 baby but she's also a well-loved baby whose Mommy happens to work until 5:00pm. It's how the cookie crumbled, and we are eating it. No sense in asking why it's not a snicker doodle.
2. CHATBOOKS. Look them up. Use them. No sense in using your .25 minutes leftover at the end of the day to put together handcrafted, beautiful paper mache and calligraphied scrapbooks of every month of life. Unless that's your jam. My jam is using what you're already (probably) doing (social media) and magically turning it into cute little books full of memories with literally no scissors or glue or hours taken from my family.
3. Sweat the big stuff, not the small stuff.
This one took me a while, and I still have to be reminded by the champions in my life. But the small stuff will steal our joy. It will crumple our souls in the corner. We've got to keep our eyes on the prize and contribute our biggest energy to our biggest priorities. Worrying about Pinterest-worthy Valentine's (all great when you have the time and inspiration but deadly when you don't) could destroy your sanity, marriage, or pocketbook if you're not careful. Also narrowing your stress-worthy concerns about your kiddos to your ultimate dreams for their life help tremendously when it comes to stumbling over behaviors or colds or tiny friendships. If you want most in the world for your child to love the Lord and love others deeply from the heart, it quickly narrows the "big stuff" to sweat and helps keep things in perspective. (Preaching to myself daily.)
4. FROZEN ___________.
Frozen veggies. Frozen pizza. Freezer meals when I've shopped, organized, prayed, and reserved a Saturday. Frozen yogurt. Frozen lasagna. Frozen French fries. These are your friends. No one is hating.
5. Cleaning days and Clutter days. Occasionally, when I can, I take a day off to clean my house. Sure, I can (and do) it on Saturdays, but as I juggle family time and the mountain of laundry and home, something is always compromised. Either the quality of my cleaning or the quality of my time with my family. So I like to send the Daddy and daughter to school and deep clean when I can. When I can't...and when Saturday compromised cleaning rather than cuddling, we declare a clutter day and live in the mess while we make the memories. We're not going to be nasty, but we're going to have fun.
6. Fruit Snacks.
Pack them in your purse, pocket, console, under your bed, in your shoe. There are few problems these mostly-plastic and barely-nutritious magical unicorns can do. Always have them in hand or nearby.
7. NO.
I just can't be in every service group, Bible Study, fundraiser, play group, leadership committee, or at every shower, party, or girls' night. I've got 4-5 main balls in the air and they are each so incredibly important. I spend most of my energy everyday keeping those in the air. Adding balls 5, 6, or please no, 7, exponentially increases my chances of dropping ball 1 or 2 which, I've decided, can't happen. So I've learned my limitations, and that it is freeing to say no. That its okay to not be involved in everything during this stage of life, even if it is in area of interest or giftedness. I only have so many weekends a year, minutes in a day, and days in a week.
8. PRESENCE over PRESENTS. There is no doubt Noelle is spoiled rotten and virtually every cent that used to be contributed to my wardrobe or recreational activities is now poured into her little life. I'm not even going to try to hide this "growth area" (read: massive weakness) of mine. However, I've had to realize this is no compensation for the time she's not with me. I just cannot have her equate my love, attention, or care with material things. There is no replacement for quality time. So, from the beginning, because I would have it no other way, it has been family time after 5 until bed time and from sun up to sun down on Saturdays and Sundays. Family time sometimes trumps dishes or naps or events. But connecting with each other deeply daily is most important. We eat dinner at the table, we read stories and say prayers in bed, we play and laugh, and hug, and sing because this is what it means to be a family.
9. On-line shopping and Consignment.
To maintain and continue to build upon my very present weakness (and to meet the very real and ever changing needs of a small body that changes sizes about every hour), Zulily and target.com have become my best friends. Even for diapers. Deals upon deals. And all while you're cooking, riding in the car, or using the bathroom. I mean, time isn't growing on trees and neither is the money. Also Facebook friends who sell their gently used cute stuff. And before you think it's as bad as it looks, I am a huge consignment junkie! Since prenatal days, I've been supplying 75% of Noelle's wardrobe with Rhea Lana's, consignment stores, and hand-selected rummage sales. I'm picky, but I'm cheap. It works.
10. Community.
You've got to have some friends who you can tell it like it is. They've got to be willing to normalize the sleepless nights, tantrums, sick days, daycare behavior, and the emotional mommy days for you. Because the moment you feel like you're the only one, the air becomes more shallow and the sand starts sinking in. We've got to know no matter our individual situations, we're in this together. And that our current stressor is not going to sink this ship. The friends that can't normalize and support us in our darkest moments without self-righteous, personalized solutions don't need to be our inner circle and community. Have the courage to text a safe friend and say, "Today is the hardest day. Life at work is imploding and life at home is exploding. And my child just let everyone at Walmart know about it." The safest friend sends prayers and hugs.
BONUS: (the one that's saved me) Set aside the stacks of articles and apps and mommy club emails counting out every tiny detail of your tiny's life for a moment and look at your child. Listen to them as they communicate to you in their own way what they need. My baby girl stayed on a bottle approximately and scientifically 10 months too long, stood late, walked early, said her first word late, spoke full sentences early, hits and misses in her potty training journey, didn't like her crib too much, loves her big girl bed all night, has angelic days and days of terror, and just doesn't fit into a box. Awhile back I realized meeting her need exactly where she was developmentally was far more important than matching benchmarks in everymom.com articles or living up to stereotypes or others' expectations. It took a bit of bravery to step out on this slippery slope but once I did I slid all the way down to some freedom and realized we're all happy and she's not barely surviving, she's thriving.
What are your top survival tips?
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