A Place Where...

[An essay written for Vera Lloyd Pink Hat Day 2013 (4/20/13)]

I dedicate any and all I have to say to the kids as THEY are the heroes to every single triumph in this story.  They have overcome so much and here they are today...many of them carrying hope in their hearts and joy in their smiles.  Any story with names or identifying factors has been discussed with the youth named and permission has been granted for you to know this small part of their story in the words I have chosen to share it (For internet purposes, the names have still been changed).  I've compiled this verbal "slideshow" into an essay called, "Vera Lloyd, A Place Where..."

Vera Lloyd is a place where safety brings security and eventually healing.

I may not ever know the sheer horror that is contained in the words "cruel and unusual punishment," but I have seen the relief in the eyes of children who have been released from it.  And I have seen the chaos of spirit it creates when a 17-year-old realizes they do not have to protect their younger siblings any longer but now can worry and focus on the anxiety, anger, and pain they possess within their own heart.  The chaos of spirit, of course, that leads to opportunities for ultimate healing one step at a time and one day at a time.  What I found is that sometimes that journey looks like a battleground because it is learning to let go and learning to stand tall and learning to live fully and freely again...and that is a painful, one-step-forward, two-steps-back process.  But it led to freedom for her.

Vera Lloyd is a place where God's Spirit paves avenues to life transformation and freedom from the chains of the past.

I will have to limit myself here because about this one, I could just keep going and going.  I remember the first time I saw the chains loosen and the life change in front of my eyes.  She had her eyes rolled back in her head as far as they could go the first time I met her.  She was angry and full of attitude.  In fact, I think she raised her eyebrows at me when I welcomed her to Vera Lloyd.  But over time, those walls came down.  And the attitude began to dissolve.  Her greatest success was the state allowing her to reunite permanently with family after several months with us, because she had come here when no one in her family was willing to try to parent her anymore because of the difficulty she was presenting at home.  She bought into some of the Vera Lloyd story and Christ's love and joy while she was here, and it made a big difference.  The only other example I'll share is one very close to my heart.  She is here today and not only that but has told me that I could talk to you about her and that itself speaks volumes.  Maybe not to you but I knew her when you couldn't even say good things to her face when it was you and her in a room together alone.  I knew her when she asked us if we would please not tell her "Good Job" when she had done something well.  Anyway, you may have met "Ashley" as one of our Transitional Living Program youth, but I met her as a shelter intake at the Barton Home...when the first thing I think she said to me after scowling for a few hours and keeping her arms permanently glued across her chest was, "I hate people."  I don't remember the first time I saw her smile but it was days after I met her.  I told my husband afterward that doing her orientation was the most difficult one I had ever done because this hatred of life and people that she was trying to get me to buy was overpowering.  She was trying very hard to convince me.  What we found out from working with "Ashley" was that by the time she came to VLPH, she had grown up with unlimited drugs and alcohol at her disposal and a parent who would do them right along with her.  By the time we met, she was addicted to a few different substances.  She had just been torn apart from two of her three siblings who mean the world to her.  She was behind in school because of extreme defiance.  "Ashley" celebrated a year anniversary at VLPH in March and since her arrival on campus, she has obtained her GED, enrolled and almost completed her first semester of college at UAM (as the only one in her family to go to college), and recently quit smoking for good.  You usually see her on campus now with her boyfriend who she DOESN'T HATE.  And, she's SMILING.  She found hope here.

Vera Lloyd is a place where someone is there to listen and care.

I don't know how many youth on this campus have tried to say, "nevermind," when trying to express themselves to a staff member because they assume there is something better we could be doing or achieving with our time than listening to them.  And when it is communicated to them by any of us that we have all the time in the world because THEY are WHY we are here, walls are torn down that have prevented real trust and healing before.  Their story can now be told.  They can find healing.  They matter enough to be heard.  And slowly, all the voices that have told them they are "too much" or "beyond help" begin to fade in the face of someone who has time.  That's one of my favorite parts of my job. 

Vera Lloyd is a place where the dreams you have longed to achieve can come true if you are willing to put in the effort, because the stage is set for success.

I have worked with several youth who have made literal U-Turns with their life after coming to VLPH and have decided that it is time to make the necessary changes to make life look different than it has before.  It is true that if you what you have always done, you will get what you've always got...and some youth grasp onto that concept while they are with us and are able to do something different than they've always done to get different results.  This is a great aspect of being a part of the Vera Lloyd journey.  If you talk to some of our kids, ask them what they are proud of in their life right now or something they recently achieved at Vera Lloyd.  Chances are the thing they will tell you about (and most of them have something to share) is a change they have achieved from the way life was before.  Maybe they have a job for the first time.  Maybe they no longer blow up at their peers or the staff when they are angry.  Maybe they can now be respectful and say, "Yes Sir" and "Yes Ma'am." Maybe they are the first person in their family to get into college or graduate from high school.  Maybe they are choosing to ask for things they need instead of taking without asking.  Maybe they have gone a few weeks without cussing or smoking or fighting.  These are U-Turns; these are real, intentional changes that we like to celebrate because they are all steps - some small, some huge - on each youth's individual road to success.  I can think of so many stories.  “Katie”, who is here attending her 4^th Pink Hat Day, in this place that has really become her home, is finally choosing to embrace the fantastic opportunity to let a good family pursue adopting her and her younger sister.  As difficult as it is going to be to leave everything she knows here, she is courageously taking steps towards the opportunities that God is laying in her path.  We had another youth return to us for "Round 2" at VLPH in the last year and he chose the road for success this time.  He is now living successfully at home, has enrolled in ROTC, is doing well in school and actually about to graduate in May and planning to go to college in the fall.  He’s pursuing some pretty big dreams for his future.  In a recent message he sent me, he said, “I remember when I was scared. [referring to going home and making the changes he knew he wanted to make] but look at me now…by the grace of the Good Lord I’m still here and just a little stronger.”  We celebrate with him in our hearts.

Vera Lloyd is a place where Christ's love flows freely in a variety of ways through His people.

We had seven youth baptized at Holmes Chapel Presbyterian Church on Easter Sunday, and several of those youth personally told me it represented a "new beginning in Christ" for them.  The staff in the homes, the staff in our on-campus school, and the staff in our administration make it our goal to make "new beginnings" our campus philosophy.  Whether you're talking about the new beginning we all need the morning after a terrible day, we practice what the Word says.  Joy comes in the morning.  New beginnings are offered every day.  And some of the youth get attached to their new beginning.  I won't ever forget the conversation I had with one of our little 8-year-olds after she had gotten good and settled into the Vera Lloyd life and found out from her case worker she was going to have to move.  As the tears welled up in her eyes and started to trace down her cheeks, she looked at me and said, "Mrs. Betsy, I just wanted to have a good life."  I hugged her so hard that day and let her know that the good news was that her new beginning would follow her wherever she went...because the real new beginning had happened in her heart.  Just the other day, I received a call from another youth who spent a short time with us but has kept in touch with several other girls who used to live in the home.  One of the girls she talked to had left us with the feeling of, "Oh well, we tried our best..."  and never left us with the expectation to hear anything from her or anything good about where she was.  But evidently.  Evidently, she is doing fabulously well and has done a complete 180 in her life since leaving.  Like, she went to one party when she got home before realizing it wasn't for her anymore.  And apparently, to anyone who will listen, she is attributing this change to the Lord and her time at Vera Lloyd...she said that was what gave her the strength and inspiration to change.  Just some evidence that GOD is so much stronger than any of the heroes in this room or any strategy we come up with as a leadership team.  God is the true miracle worker on this campus, and sometimes, we don't even KNOW when He is working or how.  But He is.

Vera Lloyd is a place where everyday life is lived, humans work, and we all need prayer.

I wrote once in my personal journal: "It is so easy for me to shift into functionality even when serving in areas I am passionate about...to simply perform functions and carry out duties because I have settled in or given in to my desire for comfort or routine.  My song no longer is, "Break my heart for what breaks yours, Lord,"  and becomes, "Let me carry this task out to completion."  Then, when that happens, my heart disconnects and I am less effective in making any impact for the Kingdom.  I know it is almost a daily cycle for me of desiring to settle into routine and having my heart broken for new things or in new ways.  I want to throw off this worldly desire for comfort so I can live in the broken places.  So I can live a response to the great needs of God's unfailing and unconditional love around me.  God, teach me this road.  Make me a more effective servant with a bigger heart."  You see, none of this is easy, but it is so worth it.  We all just need perseverance and quiet moments to reflect on the good stories of today to rejuvenate us.  And for that, we need your prayers.  Don't forget us in your prayers.  When you go to the Lord, go to Him for every single one of the youth in this room...for hope, for healing, and strength.  And go to Him for every single staff member in this room...for perseverance, passion, patience, and the very compassion that comes from His heart alone...and also for strength.

Most recently, I have clung to a promise I found just this year in Scripture.  A promise of who the Lord is today and will be tomorrow and who He has been yesterday for each of these kids and each of us, as well.  It is found in Isaiah 41:17-18: "When the poor and needy seek water and there is none, and their tongue is parched with thirst, I, the Lord, will answer them.  I, the God of Israel, will not forsake them.  I will open RIVERS on bare heights and FOUNTAINS in the midst of the valleys.  I will make the wilderness a pool of water, and the dry land springs of water.  I will set in the desert the cypress, the plane, and the pine together that they may SEE and KNOW, may CONSIDER and UNDERSTAND together that the hand of the Lord has done this, the Holy One of Israel has created it."  Amen.