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Sufficient Insufficiency

Can I get a witness?

Am I the only one who brought a baby home from the hospital and felt, at least for a second, that her cries of need were the first signs of weakness in my parenting?  That I might just not be enough for this gig?

Am I the only one who was already kicking myself by the time my sweet little baby was, oh, two days old, that one day this sweet helpless babe would inevitably be failed by me and hurt by my own insufficiencies?

Am I the only one who has turned around and walked out of Walgreens after the first whimper cry out of my 3-week-old's mouth?  Because, after all, what does a crying baby in line at the pharmacy scream to the world?

Am I the only one who has spun myself into a tizzy worrying about whether or not my infant would stop breathing in her sleep or catch deadly pneumonia from a common cold?  And that if she did, it would ultimately be my fault?

I have realized it is beautiful how much I can love. More than ever before. One little person and so much love. And I have realized how more than ever before I am completely and utterly insufficient at the same time.  One little person and so much love...and fear...and insecurities...complete insufficiency. And that is exactly what Christ's ultimate sufficiency calls for.

I told my 6-week-old daughter today as I rocked her that I loved her so very much but even more than my love for her was the love of Jesus. I told her I hope to always have a good relationship with her but that ultimately I wanted her relationship with Him to be solid. I told her if I ever got in the way with my mess that I wanted her to keep her eyes on Him and be certain of His love and faithfulness, because unfortunately, I know I will inevitably mess up and not measure up. And this is by design. Because this thing. This parenting thing. That named me Mommy and grew my heart 10 sizes. This thing isn't about me. And it's not even 100 percent about my beautiful daughter. It, like all the other blessed gifts and begrudged adversities in this life, is about His glory. And how my insufficiency may show the world how incredibly and amazingly sufficient He is. 



Disclaimer: This was written at a 2am feeding in the dark on my iPhone on 4/2/14.

Comments

  1. mamawest777April 7, 2014 at 6:14 PM

    Love it! Think we need to see more midnight Mommy musings from you!

    ReplyDelete

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