He told me today that his biggest fear in going home was finding a way to be successful even if his family lets him down again. And basically finding a way to do it all on his own. To go from having a ton of structure and some kind of support that is 100% reliable 100% of the time in a manufactured setting to the "real world" where freedom entices and well-intentioned caregivers can make poor decisions that affect you deeply is going to be incredibly difficult. Maybe the hardest thing he's ever done. And it was then that he realized he didn't really have a plan...for how he was going to deal with those kind of disappointments, how he was going to cope with those kind of hardships...and that if you fail to plan, you plan to fail. So today his mission was to come up with a plan. And we will see what it is tomorrow. But I'm carrying a heaviness within because I know it's all too much for a 16-year-old to figure out and carry on their own. And really, there is no coping skill that we can teach that answers all of the potential problems he might face. Really, there is no perfect plan we can craft or teach. There is no amount of preparation that will guarantee he will have all that it will take to face real life's ugly face again. Except the hope we find outside ourselves in Christ. Except the power we find in a cross that defeated a grave. Except the strength that replaces our own utter weakness when we are completely broken and dependent on Him. And so now I know how to pray. That somehow in these last days, the hope of the Lord will finally reach through the layers of hopelessness. That the power of the Lord will crush the doubt. That the strength of The Lord will humble him right into the palm of His hand. Amen.
" I am still confident of this: I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord; be courageous and let your heart be strong. Wait for the Lord .” –Psalm 27:13-14 I hadn't noticed until now that brave and strong is part of waiting. Because running and explaining and indulging and figuring out is so much a part of our world. I forgot that wait is a verb, not a space-filler, not a time-waster. In the waiting, we are learning our hope. In the waiting, we become His; we come alive. In the waiting, we build the pages upon which He will write the story. In the waiting, the story has already begun. Right now, my waiting is the story. How silly for me to think that brave and strong was only for empire-building and battle-fighting. I’ve been having strong moments and really weak ones. Because even though I’ve set up my circumstances for rest and family and connection right now, wherever I go, I can still find the drugs of efficien
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