A Beautiful Mosaic

I thank God and will continue to thank Him every day that I had the privilege to know and work with you.  There are so many reasons for this that come to mind.  The first is that I was able to witness God (not me...not you) do miraculous things.  The second is that I was able to know someone with your heart and your story.  And last, I learned a lot from working with you.  That's usually how it works; you start off helping someone else and end up learning a few lessons for yourself.  Here is what I learned from you: 1-Sometimes those that need love the most will not ask for it and will sometimes actually ask for the opposite...to be left alone, unloved.  Because left unloved, they are left unchanged and unchallenged.  But when you love anyway, their broken hearts begin to trust. A terribly rough life has put him in a place where it is almost impossible to believe even the most genuine person could really care.  And if they do...

Two days ago, as I walked across campus, a strong wind came out of nowhere and blew tiny debris into my face. Even though I was wearing my glasses, a small piece of sand or dirt hit my eye. It quickly settled into my socket and under my lid so that pain was very near. I continued walking to my first of two appointments in the homes that afternoon, gently rubbing, expecting it to easily surface and come out as I was accustomed to. By the time I arrived at the house, though, my eye was bright red, and I was still in pain. I took a few minutes in the bathroom to no avail trying to remove the  tiny, unseen pest. I decided to just moved on with my staffing in the home trying to ignore my twitching eye that had now begun to run.  Tears were pouring from the eye and sliding down my cheek.  I had to explain to each youth that I was not crying but had something stuck in my eye.  The same situation was repeated when I had to move on to the next home where I still could not rem...

I am at my whit's end and now beginning to question the decision I made to bring him back to Vera Lloyd.  To extend a gift of mercy.  It had been up to me, afterall, and I had chosen to give him another chance.  Because I had seen him try, and I had seen him change.  And I wasn't ready to say he had to be somewhere else to be successful.  But now I'm seeing all this anger and hostility and walls...walls that weren't even there before and they're surrounding me now.  And I'm guessing this is what makes me green.  This is what proves my naivety.  I do not know what I am doing working with adjuciated teenage boys; I have no business making these kind of decisions.  But then I'm remembering God called me. Then, why?  So I'm asking God as I get into my car and start these errands to show me.  I'm telling him I don't want to be at my whit's end with this one; I want to see some glimpse of hope.  I want to know there was a reaso...

An informational update on the time that has lapsed during my break from blogging: On December 1, Michael and I wrapped up our life as houseparents at the Barton Home with a birthday celebration for one of the girls. On December 3, I moved into my new office in the Vera Lloyd administration building as the new House Supervisor & Training Coordinator.  Michael began a several week process of getting our Barton apartment packed up, our new home purchased, and all the details that went along with that.  Michael had planned on job hunting after Christmas for something to hold over before going back to school in the fall.  During December, the Computer Lab teacher at the Vera Lloyd On-Campus school (which hosts all of our DYS youth and short-term/shelter youth) decided she would retire at the end of the semester if the right person could take her place for the rest of the year.  The principal made a call to Michael immediately, and it was settled....

Navigating my emotions amidst the transition to our new roles at Vera Lloyd has been like a spring day in Kansas.  I have woken to cold rains of grief that have been followed quickly by sunny, warm days of hope and promise.  I have waded through storms of misplaced guilt and violent winds of doubt.  But there is something about spring days in Kansas.  As widespread their nature and polarized their behavior, they build into a unified season that produces fresh blooms and new life that had been forgotten during the cold of winter.  They have a Creator who is also their Sustainer.  And every brush stroke of His artistic moves are intentionally and wisely painted into our lives on the tapestry of His Good Plan.  Because leaving Barton was not on our radar when the call came...because the threshold of houseparenting brought us to a corridor we were not expecting...because there have been many unknowns throughout the process and some are still lingering...

My apologies and excuses for my blog silence throughout and since the transition of our new positions at Vera Lloyd include the following: -I am sorry, and I have missed blogging as my #1 therapeutic measure for myself and one of many ways I feel connected to you and field prayer for the crazy adventure that is our life everyday. -Our laptop died our last day as Barton houseparents ironically enough. -We have not yet prioritized it in our budget to purchase a new computer. -We have been settling into a new home, new roles at Vera Lloyd, and a new life. -We had not prioritized until recently setting up our ancient tower computer so I had the space to think and write again.  -The one jumbled post I did make "The Change" that should have been two seperate posts was my attempt to blog from my iPhone when I grew really impatient with the computer situation.  But alas, I am back!!!