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the conflict of emotion

Yesterday marked my final two weeks as a staff member at First Covenant Church, and the emotions that have been coming in waves, have begun World War III inside of me.

I am (still) excited, assured, and looking forward to the adventure Michael and I will leave on in a little over a month at Vera Lloyd in Arkansas.  I know God has plans for us there that I cannot begin to imagine, and I know despite the hardship that will come with the transition and daily life of 24/7 ministry, He will be faithful to be our strength, our joy, and our hope.  And, I know, beyond the shadows, that our decisions have been built on the rock of our salvation and that they are good.

Yet, today, I'm staring at the screen, trying to draft the final words I will share with the First Covenant Youth Ministry in my last two Sunday Morning talks, and emotions from left field, right field, and center are flooding my heart as well as my clouded eyes.  I emptied the drawers in my desk yesterday, and an entire new level  of reality hit me that this office will soon be just as empty.  The life I have had here has been so full, and despite the fact that God promises me the same abundant life around the next bend, I am compelled to stop to appreciate this season fully.   

And on days like today, if I so much as slow down or take a moment to reflect, sadness surrounds me.  The sadness of leaving my dear friends who make up the FCC church staff.  The sadness of leaving the students that comprise the youth group.  The sadness of extending hundreds of miles once again between my family and me.  I have much to be excited about.  And happy for.  And hopeful in.  But today, I must take a moment and be sad.

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