Skip to main content

Sufficient Insufficiency

Can I get a witness?

Am I the only one who brought a baby home from the hospital and felt, at least for a second, that her cries of need were the first signs of weakness in my parenting?  That I might just not be enough for this gig?

Am I the only one who was already kicking myself by the time my sweet little baby was, oh, two days old, that one day this sweet helpless babe would inevitably be failed by me and hurt by my own insufficiencies?

Am I the only one who has turned around and walked out of Walgreens after the first whimper cry out of my 3-week-old's mouth?  Because, after all, what does a crying baby in line at the pharmacy scream to the world?

Am I the only one who has spun myself into a tizzy worrying about whether or not my infant would stop breathing in her sleep or catch deadly pneumonia from a common cold?  And that if she did, it would ultimately be my fault?

I have realized it is beautiful how much I can love. More than ever before. One little person and so much love. And I have realized how more than ever before I am completely and utterly insufficient at the same time.  One little person and so much love...and fear...and insecurities...complete insufficiency. And that is exactly what Christ's ultimate sufficiency calls for.

I told my 6-week-old daughter today as I rocked her that I loved her so very much but even more than my love for her was the love of Jesus. I told her I hope to always have a good relationship with her but that ultimately I wanted her relationship with Him to be solid. I told her if I ever got in the way with my mess that I wanted her to keep her eyes on Him and be certain of His love and faithfulness, because unfortunately, I know I will inevitably mess up and not measure up. And this is by design. Because this thing. This parenting thing. That named me Mommy and grew my heart 10 sizes. This thing isn't about me. And it's not even 100 percent about my beautiful daughter. It, like all the other blessed gifts and begrudged adversities in this life, is about His glory. And how my insufficiency may show the world how incredibly and amazingly sufficient He is. 



Disclaimer: This was written at a 2am feeding in the dark on my iPhone on 4/2/14.

Comments

  1. mamawest777April 7, 2014 at 6:14 PM

    Love it! Think we need to see more midnight Mommy musings from you!

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Twenty Ways to Love a Foster Family Well

The tears slid down my cheek as I typed out the email just a few short weeks ago that would officially close our home and end our season as foster parents.  We may have another season before we hit the nursing home, but after a lot of prayer and confirmation....we know this season right now? It is about the family God has formed inside our home.  We will be focusing on meeting the needs of each of the amazing forever children we have the privilege of parenting. We will also do all we can to provide intentional support to those fostering around us.  ( Hint: If you are local and maybe "not having enough support and/or respite" has kept you from fostering, holla at ya girl! ) I wanted to mark this moment in some way, which is why I am here.  I want to share with YOU all of the amazing ways people - our family, our friends, our community, our church, our village...so many of you - made this season possible for us. I want to highlight all the ways God showed up for us in ...
Post a Comment
Read more

Rhythms

Maybe because the anniversary of   “the big change”…             when I slowed my own rhythms down…             when the rhythm of our family slowed down…             when we began a dance to a simpler, slower, but just as meaningful melody… Maybe because the anniversary of that time is slowly approaching or maybe because, since that time I’ve tried to rev up and hit “accelerate” again only to have found myself intrinsically changed and unable to “rev” as I used to… Or maybe because as we approached this small-ish, one-room, home-reno project this spring break, we approached it as different people and in a different way and I’m only realizing it at the end of spring break with only one of three phases complete? Or maybe it’s been the freedom-seeking with the ladies on those Thursday evenings slowing ...
Post a Comment
Read more

Less & Free

Who takes off all their clothes and stands in the middle of town?  Maybe someone whose body has it all together will do so in Europe or NYC (true story - they paint bodies on time square now) but what about the ones of us who have all the flaws and even an ounce of modesty in our bones?  I’m not so sure it was such a good idea to get completely naked with this…in this little self-renovation-project.  All my coping mechanisms, all the things I surround myself with, all the things I busy myself with, all the drama I distract myself with, all the people I partially please…it feels like it’s all been…making me a better me somehow. Maybe the best self I've been able to be.  It definitely feels better than I am going to feel without any of it, standing here alone and naked in the world, right? You are not alone.   But don’t we have to get all the way down to the nitty gritty?  And who I am wearing all my protective gear and uniforms may be good, b...
Post a Comment
Read more